Our "Little" Family

So far, you've seen why we're adopting and why we are fundraising. Right at this moment I'd like to take a step back and tell you a bit about ourselves.



                                                                                    Rob:
Rob was born in Trenton, New Jersey, at the age of four he came to live in Ohio with the rest of his family as the youngest of four children. His eldest sister Donna and her husband, Jesse live in Virginia with their children and grandchildren. His older brothers Pat and his wife Lucy, and Mike with his wife Gloria and son, all live in Columbus. He has a close bond with his mother, who lives just moments away in Moraine, Ohio. They all live a few hours apart, but see each other throughout the year.

Ashley:
I was born and raised in Ohio as the eldest of four sisters. My family is very close, and we enjoy spending time together regularly. Everyone is anxiously waiting for more grandchildren to join the family. We have many fun family traditions that we can't wait to share with a new little one. We love doing anything together as a family, especially taking trips, having family parties, and spending holidays together. I also have a large extended family that is close, and we like to spend time with them. We get together once a month for a big family dinner at my parents house, and the holidays are full of lots of fun and memories.

After crossing paths over the years, we officially met six years ago at Sycamore State Park while LARPing. Rob proposed a year later in the same park that we met. On May 21, 2011 we married in the very same park. We both come from large families, so we've always wanted children. Family is very important to the both of us, and we wish to add a child to ours.

Artistic Endeavors

There was one adoption question that Rob and I faced head on, "Can we afford it?" Basic costs, such as raising a child - no problem - there is always a little wiggle room in the budget. The adoption cost is a much harder question to answer. The cost of adoption is high, borderline insanely so. It is also much more costly to adopt than it is to walk home from the hospital with your own. Most families don't have $20,000 to $40,000 tucked away somewhere to pay for the adoptions. That number is just domestic adoptions!

The first step it the home study, which we are preparing for. Thinning out our possessions, things we haven't used for years or simply don't have the space for, and selling them in a garage sale. The home study itself costs $1,500. Rob is currently working overtime to help us save for this goal. We felt that it was best to save that initial cost ourselves.

After the home study, we wait until we are picked by the expectant parent(s). When that happens, we are billed for the following:

• Placement: $15,000
• Seven supervised visits: $2,100
• Various court fees: $2,490
• Birth mother fees: up to $14,000

The total for the entire adoption with the maximum payment of the birth mother's expenses: $33,590. This is considered a major expense, and by ourselves, it will take two to four years to save up this amount. The expense grows more with things like, flyers, and booklets and thank you letters. Those costs, we are absorbing as we are able to. 

I'm a home maker, and part time in-home groomer, money that I earn is a bit harder to come by. I budget, and clip coupons, cook and clean. While Rob is working, so am I. Right now my main job is to help fix up the house, and thin out our 'stuff' and sell things I create. 

As much as Rob and I are trying, we will get nowhere without the support of others. That's right, we need you.

So far both of us are absolutely floored at the responses from friends and family. I'm happy to call you all my family, each and every one of you supporting us. Flamingoes are flocking and sugar scrubs are selling. 

I'm excited for the painting auction that starts 4/26... That's just two days away! I have a goal of $5,000 but an expectation of $500. Check out the online auction, see if there's something you like. Everything goes to the adoption costs. 

 http://www.32auctions.com/raadoption

I love you all, thank you so much for the support. 

Dancing In The Rain

Think of eight couples you know. Odds are, at least one of those couples will have trouble getting pregnant. Sometimes the trouble is identifiable, treated with health monitoring or fertility treatments. There is also a chance that there is no way to conceive without some major science. Then, there are cases that there are no identifiable problems, and treatments don't help. Some couples try for years, spending as much as a half million on drugs, IVF and IUI.

Fertility issues also come with a giant unseen cost. Uphill battles against disappointment after disappointment, combined with the brutal  storms of emotions. One moment a couple is full of sunshine and hope, and the next a thunderstorm of despair and anxiety that eats away at the very core of one's being.

Sometimes all of this cost pays out in the end. A number of times, they don't.

Rob and I have been married for four years. During that time we rode that coaster of emotions: failed tests, fertility treatments, miscarriages, surgeries, clean bills of health. Three years of spending money with specialists and buying medications and so many needles. With each step I was obsessive, easily distracted, irritable due to the drugs, teary eyed at the drop of a hat. The worst was the severe depression for the first few days after discovering we were not (or no longer) pregnant. I was irrationally terrified that if I moved too much, or bent just the right way, then I would break what was supposed to be happening inside me. I was no fun to be around, and I felt everything deserved an apology from me. Too much of myself was hidden behind my anxiety, depression and fear. Rob and I were suffering for it, our relationship and communication strained by this never ending trial of our heart.

We both knew something had to change, so we sat, and we talked, and we cried, and we mourned. Then we decided not to mourn, we decided that instead of inside my belly, our child will grow in our hearts. We chose to dance in the rain, we chose happiness, we chose adoption.

My smile came back, my determination came back, and we created a plan for our child. How to save, how to prepare, how to raise funds, what the estimated timeline would be. We found our strength through working together, planning, fundraising.

Maybe the change in attitude came to us easier than others because we both talked about adopting, deciding that after our own child, we would adopt. I'm sure that part of me will always want to know if our biological child will look like this one photo we had done at Dave & Busters. Little boy, red hair, brown eyes and the largest cranium ever. I mean, we called our photo booth generated child Brainiac, after the character in the Superman series. You see, Superman is my favorite superhero. He was adopted.

So, we are pregnant, just, in our hearts, not my body.

-Ashley